Dumb Luck forums

Describe how the above poster will die. You may choose any form of death you wish, and may be as detailed or simplistic as you want.

^ Swallowed whole by killer whale while water skiing.

After accidentally being exposed to high levels of radiation, during which you were bit by a wasp, you develop...CANCER!

You lost an election to George Bush and just couldn't handle it.

In 2008, George Bush was re-elected president. Somehow. In 2009, the United States became the first nation to nuke itself.

Unable to come to grips with the fact that Devil May Cry 4 was being released on both X-Box 360 and the PS3, you fashion yourself a red trenchcoat and lead an assault on Capcom's headquarters in Japan. Sadly, unable to purchase passage on a plane or boat, you attempt to swim across the Pacific Ocean and drown en route.

Demonic foam falls from the sky, devouring everything in its path. Unfortunately, you happened to be outside at the time.

You tried reading "Atlas Shrugged" and were literally bored to death.

Your ascent to god-hood nearly complete, one final human sacrifice was needed to finish the ritual. Failing to find any living humans in the immediate vicinity, you commited suicide, convinced that, with the ritual completed, you would simply rise from the dead as a god. Unfortunately, you forgot the final part of the ritual: to eat the heart of the final sacrifice.

In an attempt rid your house of the spirits haunting it, you accidentally spill the sulfer which is needed for the ritual on yourself and rid your own body of your soul. For the next five years you spend your time haunting families in New York. Unfortunately, these families knew just who to call. Ghost Busters.

While researching guinea pigs in the wild, crushed by falling tree. Tree was then taken by loggers and used to make newspaper which reported tragic tree-crushing death. Newspaper was then used to wrap body of dead guinea pig whom you were reincarnated as (but died as a result of negligence).

An android was sent from the distant future to assassinate you in order to prevent your comic from reaching the point in which its popularity completely dominated the webcomic market, which, ironically, caused other webcomic authors to give up and stop competing with you, leading to a vast decline in the number of them. More ironically, your narrow escapes from death via the andriod assassin became the very inspirations for your comic, and their popularity continued to rise long after the android had been destroyed. But then they sent back two more androids, one that was just programmed to kill you, and one that was programmed to pretend to protect you but backstab you at the last minute. This ploy worked...

While attending a theme park, you decide to ride one of the fastest roller coasters ever made. Unfortunately, on one of the downward slopes, a large seagull connects with your face as you are approaching 110 mph. Not only does the impact snap your head back and break your neck, but it leaves the bird impaled in your skull. Your family is forced to have a closed casket funeral because they could not extract the bird's beak from your forehead.

After completing a commissioned piece of art at a con, an overzealous grateful fan crushes you to her more-than-ample frame. Although the pressure from the embrace does not kill you, you are trapped within the gastronomical gravitational field of the fan. You begin an orbit around said fan, and eventually starve to death after refusing to feed on food crumbs and other assorted remains found within fat rolls and skin creases.

(I threw up a little)

While walking to work, you are approached by an attractive young woman with a dilemma. Her dog suddenly took off running and the leash fell from her hands. Since you were pretty early, anyway, you decided to help her find her dog.

After searching for about 10 minutes, looking up and down the streets of Schoolcraft, you admit to the young woman that you really have to go to work. She offers you her cell phone and says, "If you call in and tell them you'll be late so you can help me find my dog, I'll make it worth your while!"

You pause and reflect on this for a moment and decided to take her up on her offer. You call in and get a hold of Luann and let her know you'll be late. As the young lady smiles her appreciation, Luann's wrath manifests in a telekinetic shockwave that causes both your head to explode. Your headless corpse falls to the ground, still clutching a cell phone. The young lady dies from a heart attack. Both your bodies are subsequently run over by a large semi truck carrying a load of swine.